


Cold Desert

by gaeger16



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depression, Insomnia, M/M, Recurring Dreams, Songfic, kings of leon - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 17:53:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5752729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaeger16/pseuds/gaeger16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a cold and dull night, when Tsukishima Kei finds himself thinking about a certain captain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold Desert

 

It was a cold and dull night,

 

When Tsukishima Kei finds himself walking through the cold and wet streets of Miyagi.

 

 

It all started with a dream, one in which Kei often encounters as he sleeps through the nights.

In his dream, there would always be him, waking up in the cold and empty.

Always was he in his pajamas, and by the moment the sand comes around from the toes of his feet to his ankles, he gets irritated.

 

**_I'm on the corner, waiting for a light to come on_ **

 

Usually, there'd be a light across the desert he was in, yet sometimes nothing came.

 

**_That's when I know that you're alone_ **

 

 

That's how Kei found himself wandering about in the cold night, asking himself questions that he may never come up with answers to.

He adjusts his headphones on his ears, scrolling through the music that he depended on for keeping his sanity, especially when it came to situations like these.

 

**_It's cold in the desert, water never sees the ground_ **

****

Kei shoves his hands down his pockets, trying to rid them off of the cold air.

Every step he made through the ground was heavy, the heavy rain from hours ago was a downpour.

He never thought the rain was bad, instead, he thought it was quite refreshing.

He never dislike it.

 

**_Special unspoken without sound_ **

 

Tracing back to his thoughts, Kei blamed the white light for his constant insomnia.

Every time he had those dreams, he found himself getting suffocated, like the air from his lungs was being taken away from him.

He didn't know what it all meant, the dream and the white light.

All he knew was that it was trying to kill him inside out.

 

Yet, he never could fathom whether it was supposed to be a dream or a nightmare.

 

In fact, he's read a lot about dreams. Although, Kei was never the type of guy to have much interest in anything.

To be blunt, Kei barely had any hobbies. He knows of the fact that most of the random things can pop up your dreams, whether you like them or not.

Yet Kei had none.

Except for one, perhaps.

 

**_You told me you loved me, that I'd never die alone_ **

Kei met Kuroo Tetsurou back when they were all still part of the volleyball team, both middle blockers in their rival teams.

Kuroo was eccentric, confident and cunning. The total opposite of who Kei was.

Don't get him wrong, Kei is considered cunning, yet, he wasn't the type of cunning that people admired, despised by many perhaps.

He wasn't anything; yet Kuroo was definitely something.

If anything, Kei was probably envious of Kuroo.

 

**_Hand over your heart, let's go home_ **

 

But as Kei spent more time with Kuroo, whether it was late night gazing through the skies above or just practicing blocks in practice games,

he knew that there was something more than just an envious feeling.

So they hung out, even much more.

 

**_Everyone noticed, everyone has seen the signs_ **

 

The first who ever saw the development between them was Tadashi.

Of course he did, Kei would be surprised if he didn't.

Tadashi saw through all of Kei, and so he wasn't doubtful by the time he managed to sniff all the evidences out.

Second to know wasn't exactly a team mate of his, but more of Kuroo's comrade.

2nd year Setter: Kozume Kenma. Like Tadashi to Kei, Kenma was never a stranger to Kuroo's actions.

Like Tadashi, Kenma saw through Kuroo's smile and genuine touches to Kei.

 

Yet, Kei always thought he'd screw it all up at one point.

Denied, he did. He tried to get rid of Kuroo off of this thoughts.

Tadashi would always tell him to let it all go, but Kei would just snark his way through it all in denial.

To the point where Tadashi wasn't the one he was talking to, but Kuroo.

 

"I feel nothing."

 

Those words may have meant for Kei as a ploy for denial,

but it meant a whole lot of hurt for Kuroo.

Kei never ever wants to recall the hurtful expression Kuroo had when those words popped out of his mouth.

The way Kuroo walked away from him was the post painful scene he could possibly never forget.

Somehow in that moment, Kei broke himself too.

 

**_I've always been known to cross lines_ **

 

Kei desperately tried to fight through the pain. He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't even wake up from the dreams that consisted of Kuroo.

It always hurts in the morning for Kei.

He tried seeing a psychiatrist, yet, there was no doubt in his mind that even the psychiatrist was tired of hearing his bullshit.

So he gave up on seeing one.

Then came the recurring dreams.

 

By now, Kei had managed to walk a little far away from his apartment

and settled down on a slightly damp bench.

 

**_I've never ever cried when I was feeling down_ **

He leaned his back on the bench, looking at nowhere exactly.

It was a good thing that the light posts were still on, or else Kei would've never known his way back.

Just like that desert.

 

**_I've always been scared of the sound_ **

 

He planted both his elbows on his knees, praying to himself.

 _"Just like the desert..."_ He repeated to himself and he was reminded of the darkness that he constantly has to live in every night.

Kei furrowed his eyebrows in preparation for the tears that might threaten to pour down, but they never came.

 _"Even your tears don't want to touch your face..."_ Kei told himself, gritting his teeth in frustration.

 

**_Jesus don't love me, no one ever carried my load_ **

Kei breathed in and out, fearing that he might've gotten himself a panic attack

yet, he managed to breathe in deep and slowly.

Recalling back those thoughts about Kuroo always managed to strike a nerve in Kei.

But whenever he thinks of Kuroo's genuine smile, his laugh, his own real self, Kei finds himself calming down.

 

_"I'm sorry..."_

_"I'm sorry I'm such a coward..."_

_"Among all the things that could've hurt you_

_I should've never let one of them be me..."_

Kei carried his silent apologies into the wind, hands gripping tighter on themselves.

 

Finally, Kei deeply exhaled a shuddering breath, trying to rid himself off his emotions.

 

_**I'm too young to feel this old** _

 

"Damn right." Kei muttered to himself.

He pulled his headphones off of his ears, letting them hang on the nape of his neck.

Silence filled his ears. The wind was exceptionally calm in the air, making Kei comfortable in his surroundings.

Kei sighed, hugging his knees to his chest and closing his eyes.

 

A few passing moments later, he heard steps coming from his right.

His ears perked up to the gentle taps of the steps, coming nearer and nearer.

He felt fear rush up to his nerves, feeling a sudden cold breeze of air. 

The steps were getting nearer, 

but Kei couldn't open his eyes.

 

With the darkness that he only sees as his eyes are closed, he was reminded of the fear of being in that same cold desert.

 _"Please.. not here. Just take me away.... I don't ever wanna be here anymore.."_ He prayed to himself.

By the time the steps came to a stop just beside him, Kei feared for his life.

He feared of not being pulled out of the desert, he feared that he'd never see the light of day again.

He opened his eyes slowly...

 

And there it was...

the white light.

 

"Tsuki." Kuroo stood there, with an apologetic smile on his face.

Kei sat there, staring wide-eyed at the man in front of him, the man from his dreams.

 

 

Kuroo chuckled lightly at Kei's bewildered expression.

"Tsuki, are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost." Kuroo smiled.

 _"_ Close... _"_ Kei thought and accidentally said it loud enough for Kuroo to hear, which made Kei cover his mouth with his hand in embarrassment.

Kuroo just gave a genuine smile in return.

 

"It's been a while, Tsuki.." Kuroo replied right after.

Kei's nerves were acting up a bit but managed to mutter a "yeah" back at Kuroo.

 _"God, I can't even look at him straight.."_ Kei complained to himself.

"Mind if I sit next to you?" Kuroo asked.

 

 _"What the fuck is he doing in Miyagi, at this time of hour?"_ Kei was battling through his troublesome thoughts.

Kei stood up abruptly. 

"Y-You can take the whole bench, I-I was just going to..-"

_"Going to do what?"_

_"What am I going to do?"_

Kei swallowed nervously, hands shivering form the cold.

 

Kuroo sadly smiled at Kei.

_"God, don't do that. Please."_

_"_ Were you gonna go home, Tsuki?" Kuroo asked.

_"No, I don't ever want to..."_

Kei nodded his head yes without sparing a glance at Kuroo.

Kuroo let out a depressed sigh, but still kept his smile.

 

"I'll walk you home the-"

"What are you even doing here?" Kei interrupted immediately, hands gripping at themselves from the anxiety he felt.

 

Kuroo didn't seem surprised with what Kei had asked.

He propped down on the bench, hands settling themselves inside of his hoodie's pockets.

"Honestly, Tsuki?... I don't know. Pathetic huh? I took a train from Tokyo to here hours ago, and now I found myself wandering around, not knowing why I decided to come down

here." Kuroo let out a depressed chuckle.

 

Kei tried to distract himself from Kuroo. It's been quite a while since they've seen or even heard from each other.

Kuroo still had a his gravity-defying hair, although it looked like it smoothed out from sleep.

One thing Kei didn't expect was that Kuroo almost had heavy bags forming below his eyes and a slight stubble on his chin.

But God, did Kuroo still look divine in every way to Kei.

 

"What about you Tsuki? Taking a midnight stroll?" Kuroo gave a light chuckle.

Kei replied with only silence.

 

Kuroo sighed, keeping his gaze down on the ground.

"Look Kei. I'll be completely honest with you as much as I can, cus' I don't know when I'm gonna get a second chance out of this. But..." Kuroo turned his towards Kei, looking him

deep in the eyes before he continued.

 

"I've seen through the light, Kei. I don't know where it takes me but every time I dream, it takes me somewhere dark. I get scared Kei, of course I get scared. And that light either

takes me forward or backward from the dream. But all I know is that... I want to know what's beyond that darkness." Kuroo swallows and pauses.

 

Kei furrows his eyebrows as he listens to Kuroo, nerves calming down a bit.

 

"I know you probably don't ever want to see me or even hear from me. Hell, I can't even tell whether seeing you right here, right now is a dream or not. But I... I know that I want this

to be real. I want you to be real." Kuroo takes a moment to glance at Kei, a pathetic smile forming on his features.

 

_"Pathetic."_

Kei couldn't fight the tears that were forming on his eyes and it only made it worse when Kuroo continued.

 

 

"Kei, I never had the chance to tell you this... But now that I do... I want you to know that I'm helplessly and deeply in love with you." Kuroo's expression shifted from a smile to one

where he's trying to contain the tears that were pouring down his face.

 

 

Kei couldn't contain the harsh tears formed in his eyes no longer, and so he finally decided to let it all go.

 _"Tadashi would be so proud."_ He thought to himself as he panted and cried.

 

"Kei? I'm so sorry for making you feel this way. I never intended to make you feel upset. God, why am I saying that while I'm crying too?" Kuroo managed a broken laugh, wiping his

tears his cold hand. He stood up, standing just inches away from Kei, who was shaking as he desperately tried to fight through his emotions.

 

Kuroo planted a hand on Kei's shoulder gently, a reassuring touch. 

That single touch reminded Kei of how much of beautiful person Kuroo really is.

And he wanted to see that beauty for himself too.

So he fought and looked at Kuroo straight in the face, with his brows furrowed and unwiped tears on his face.

 

Kuroo's brought his hands up to his face and wiped Kei's tears.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I might sound like a total jerk by saying this but I half wish this was just a dream... and I'd wake up with the same pain every morning.

I'm okay with that as long as it means I don't have to see you cry. Just seeing you like this breaks my heart, Kei." Kuroo's expression turned melancholic.

 

Kei sniffled, looking into Kuroo's eye with much intent.

_"Say something.. anything..."_

Kuroo let go of Kei's face, backing off slowly.

_"No! please.. don't leave, I'd give anything to have you touch me like that again just please!..."_

Kuroo was now walking back farther and farther away from Kei.

Back to where he'd have to fight through his dreams, back where pain awaits for him.

 

 

"Goodbye, Kei." 

 

 

**_Is it you?_ **

_"No... don't leave me like this. Not just yet!...."_ Kei's fists gripped tighter.

 

**_Is it me?_ **

_"Fuck... I can't do this.... I need.. I need-!"_ Kei took one step forward, then another, and another.

 

**_Or does nobody know, nobody see_ **

_"I'm not going back to that place again!"_ Kei was running for his life now.

 

"You fucking idiot!" Kei ripped out a shout as he caught up to Kuroo.

Kuroo whipped his head towards Kei, and Kei was furious, panting out his cold breath.

 

"K-Kei?" Kuroo asked with much concern and confusion in his voice.

"You don't get to fucking walk out just like that! Y-You should've heard me out!" Kei jabbed a finger at Kuroo.

Kuroo stayed silent with sad and hurt eyes.

 

_"What do I say to him?"_

 

_"I'll tell him.. everything."_

 

"I've gone through hell and back going through the shit that I've caused... and I still do! I don't know how to fix myself Tetsurou.. I don't know who I am. Ever since that night I told

you those hurtful words, I couldn't help but feel that I've lost something. And I did.  I lost the spark within me, I lost every fucking thing. But most of all, I lost you. I was such a

coward Tetsurou... And even now, I still am. But I want to change that, starting now.."

 

Kei linked his hand with Kuroo's, looking him straight in the eyes.

Kuroo was looking at Kei, eager to know what Kei has to say.

 

"I'm not really good with words... And I know that you know that's true. But I'm hoping that this would... pass the message."

Kei tightened his grip on the other's hand, leaning in and capturing Kuroo's lips with his.

 

**_Nobody but me_ **

 

Kuroo was taken by surprise by Kei's lips but eagerly kissed back with much more intensity in his movements.

 

As the kiss deepened, Kei didn't know what to do with his hands, so he settled with just curling his fingers through Kuroo's hair.

Every emotion was passed through the kiss, every pain and agony they've gone through, every love and passion they felt for each other.

It took a while before they decided to part for air and just stare into each other's eyes, both confused but incredibly happy.

 

"Kei... Is this a dream?" Kuroo whispered, face lit up into different shades of red.

Kei hummed, stroking the wild hairs of the other.

"No, I learned that the hard way. Every dream I had of you would end up with me feeling a lot worse than I thought. But now..." Kei interlocked their hands together.

"I know, you're here and I'm hopelessly happy. I love you, Tetsurou." Kei genuinely smiled back at Kuroo, and Kuroo smirked, muttering a "same" before going back to kissing Kei again.

 

They were gonna make up for the time they were lost within each other's dreams.

Yet this time, they found each other.

 

* * *

 

 

 

And it turns out, Kuroo spent the night at Kei's.

Both of their limbs tangling with each other, refusing to let go or part from the other even when asleep.

Kuroo woke up first, abruptly sitting and panting.

"Fuck, I didn't have any dreams tonight.." He muttered to himself, calming his nerves down.

When Kuroo looked around and saw Kei sleeping next to him, he knew everything was gonna be alright.

"K-Kuroo?" Kei yawned, eyes groggy from sleep.

 

Kuroo dipped down and entangled himself with Kei.

"Kei.... Is this a dream?" He whispered lovingly into Kei's ear.

Kei slapped Kuroo's arm playfully, "Would you stop with that dream stuff? I'd rather be here than go back there.." Kei groaned as he stretched.

Kuroo gave a hearty laugh, stroking Kei's blonde looks.

"Neither do I..." Kuroo replied, planting a kiss on Kei's forehead, and both of the just stared at each other for the longest time.

 

"We never have to go back there Tetsurou. We both found what we were looking for." Kei brought up a and on Kuroo's cheek.

Kuroo kissed the palm of Kei's hand. "I found you, Kei."

Kei genuinely smiled widely at Kuroo. "Yeah..."

 

 

_"You were the white light in the cold and dark desert..."_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> The song "Cold Desert" is by Kings of Leon.


End file.
